The Song Remembers When
by wolvesjr34
Summary: A collection of song fic challenges. Nothing but angst and heartbreak around this corner. To find more see Miss Peg's collection. I do not own the chracters, they belong to Tess Gerritson and TNT respectively.


**A/N:** **Once in every generation two angsty minds collide. When this happens, it triggers Angstageddon where only the strong of heart may tread.** **The meeting of minds with Miss Peg has led to angsty/heartbreaking songfic challenges. This is only the beginning.**

 **For this challenge I have drawn from Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls mostly, and a tiny bit from Angel by Sarah McLachlan. HAVE REMOVED LYRICAL PROMPTS... probably takes away from the story a little. Oh well, such is life. Just listen to the songs... Iris is Jane's perspective, and Angel Maura's.  
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 **TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mentions of suicide and terminal illness.  
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* * *

 **I Just Want You To Know Who I Am**

 _Maura._ The only thought in Jane's mind was that of her best friend. Her muscles twitched and flexed; her stance flawless as she threw punch after punch at the boxing bag in front of her. She danced around the bag and pounded with a furious flurry; anything to forget the intensity of her reality.

The truth had left her feeling empty and hollow; she made a decision in that moment, she would live the rest of her life on her own terms.

She lashed out angrily and hit the bag extra hard. The difficult part was never in the diagnosis or the inevitability of her future, no the difficulty was in the lying to Maura. Jane had resigned herself to not ever telling the truth about her situation until there was nothing her best friend could do about it. It just had to be that way.

Hugging the bag in exhaustion a plan formed in the detective's mind. Reluctantly she dragged herself away from the gym, freshened up and headed over to Maura's for dinner. She just had to be close to her best friend; even if she was keeping a terrible secret. She was sick. She was dying.

The only thing she wanted to do when Maura looked up at her from the kitchen island where she was preparing dinner was to pull the petite woman into her arms. So she did. Her arms wrapped around the woman and she buried her chin on Maura's shoulder. "I missed you, Maur."

As surprised as she was by the outpouring of affection, the medical examiner returned the hug and clung tightly to the woman flush against her. There was an odd current in the air and while she couldn't place it, she knew something significant was taking place. "I missed you too, Jane."

This moment, this was what Jane wanted to take with her. So she focused on the smells, the touch and the warmth. Reluctantly she stepped away and ensured she wore her mask of normalcy. "What's for dinner? It smells great."

* * *

"Frost."

"It's time, Barry."

"Damnit Jane, can't you please just tell her? Don't do this to her. Don't do this to your family." Detective Frost begged; he had been her only confidant and he knew he should have disrespected her wishes and told the truth to Maura or Frankie; but he just hadn't been able to do so. She had his back and he had hers.

"I'm not gonna let her watch me waste away." Jane clenched her jaw, her mind was made up. "You've got the package?"

"Yeah, sitting here on my desk."

"Promise me you'll take care of her like she's your sister Frost. She's gonna need someone. Take care of her like I would have."

"You should tell her how you feel… before, before you go through with this." Knowing what was coming was not helping his ability to keep his emotions in check. In fact he was pretty sure Maura would kill him for his part in this.

"Everything she needs to know is in that package Barry. Go to her now; don't let her come here. Make her call Pike, Popov… anyone but her, you hear me?" She knew she should be crying, but no tears would come. She was stoic even as she approached her fate.

"Okay," he was resigned to her decision but still, "Jane…"

"I love you too buddy." She ended the call, disrobed and slid into the tub.

* * *

The eerie silence that had settled between the two was broken by the buzzing of phones. She answered first, "Isles."

"Frost." It was the call he had been expecting. The tears that he had been holding back finally found an outlet when his soft brown eyes made contact with terrified hazel ones. "Doc…"

"Jane," she breathed, not hearing anything he was trying to say. Instinctively she grabbed her keys and identification and started for the door.

"Maura." His voice was firm and loud, "Wait."

She turned to look at him; refusing to acknowledge the inevitability of what the call she had just received meant. "We have a body to investigate detective."

"You can't…" he managed to choke out, all strength of his convictions gone. "She wouldn't want you to…"

"No!" Maura spat angrily, "Just because it's her address… it's not her, it can't be her!" But when she felt his arms envelop her, the truth she had been denying crashed into her consciousness. She went weak at the knees and felt Frost slide down to the ground with her, never letting go. "Oh Jane," she sobbed into his shoulder.

* * *

 _"_ _I know you couldn't help yourself Maur. I know you had to see for yourself; I never wanted you to have to see that."_

Jane's voice echoed back through the laptop speakers as the video recording she had made in the weeks prior flickered across the screen. She wore her Ortiz Red Sox jersey and casual jeans; for the most part she looked healthy. At autopsy Maura had learned differently, but it didn't change the healthy looking Jane Rizzoli gazing lovingly at her from the screen.

 _"_ _I want you to remember me like this at my most alive, surrounded by things I love." She lifted a bottle of beer and took a sip, "Beer, baseball and you." Her hands found the jar of Marmite she had been given years before by her best friend. "I never could throw this out; it was everything that is you. You saved me from the darkness of Hoyt, Maur and because of that the last three years have been the happiest of my life."_

Maura paused the playback because she could barely see the screen through the tears. Her best friend was gone, by her own hand in some twisted attempt at protecting her from the ugly reality of a cancer death. Stolen time was how she saw it. Time she could have had with the only person who truly loved her for who she was was irrevocably taken from her. "Damn you Jane Rizzoli," she muttered through sobs before hitting play once more.

 _"_ _I love you so much Maura, I just wish I had of had the courage to tell you when it would have made a difference. Not now. I can't exactly say 'Hey Maur, did I mention that I'm in love with you and oh by the way I have six months to live?'_

 _I know you're pissed at me, but that's fine because when you stop being mad, you'll only remember the good times. You won't have seen me weak and you won't have given up your life to take care of me; which we both know you would have done in a heartbeat. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I can't bare to face that."_

The footage changed then from Jane to a perspective Maura could only place as from her coffee table. The footage was of her and Jane snuggled up on the couch discussing mundane things and laughing; it was the last time they had been together. How could she have not noticed the signs? She was a doctor, how did she not notice the signs? Maura's chest heaved with the sobs that wracked her body.

 _"_ _Don't forget this version of you Maur, the version happy to snuggle up with a friend and share some laughs. I made this because I want you to know who I am; I am the woman you made me. Proud, strong, loving and a touch stubborn, but I know you love that about me. I love you Maura Isles, forever and always. I'll be right here with you, making sure Frost keeps his promise to me. He'll be there when you need him Maur, just let him in. Thank you for loving me like only you could."_

Maura closed her eyes for a moment before reaching out for her phone and dialling, "Barry? Can you come over? I don't want to be alone right now."

"Always."

Just like Jane.

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 **A/N: This is where I tell you, I bawled my eyes out as I wrote the last section. All your thoughts are appreciated, even the ones where you may be unhappy with what happened here. Keep it kind or constructive.  
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 **If anyone has any suggestions for songs, or general challenges for us, then feel free to get in touch! Must contain angst.**


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